Sickipedia

How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

Everyday my 90 year old neighbour who has alzhiemers knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife . And everyday I have to tell that 90 year old man his wife has been long dead . You know I have thought of not answering the door I have even thought about moving house . But you know it's worth it, each time just to see the smile on his face..

This time last year we were all looking forward to leaving the EU. Now I'm just looking foward to just leaving the fucking house.

They used to call me Mr Lover Lover, until one night I had anal sex with a girl that had cerebral palsy. Now they call me Mr Bum Spastic.

Baby crying on a plane. Guy beside me "can there be anything more annoying than a baby crying on a plane?" Me : pulling out a kazoo "Let's find out"

Britain appears to be successfully avoiding a second wave by keeping the first wave going!

Americans, do you remember in "jaws" when the Mayor was so concerned about the economy, he told everyone it was safe to get back in the water?

Batman goes to see ozzy Osbourne in hospital and says "how are you ozzy"? Ozzy says "What do want you black cunt"? Batman says "ok ozzy no need to bite my fucking head off"

This year I won't be going to the Maldives because of covid19. Normally I don't go to the Maldives because I can't afford it .

When I was a kid I had to share a single bed with my 8 brothers and sisters, who all wet the bed . We used to have to fight everynight to get a spot in the shallow end .