Sickipedia

Just my luck to have testicles that are three times the normal size. Or as I have to keep telling women, "My eyes are up here."

US: Russian jets downed US drone in an "environmentally unsound and unprofessional manner." The Americans might want to temper their rhetoric before they escalate to "unacceptable."

I got into a knife fight at KFC today. They offered me a plastic knife, but I insisted on a metal one.

Study: Raising a Child Now Costs 12,000,000 Airline Points

Irony: When a mass shooter goes to Half Moon Bay, And the victims get half their arses shot off.

US News: Dolphins seen in New York City river for first time in 5 years. Fuck me, but what are American footballers from Miami doing in a New York river at this time of year?

Exclusive: Harry reveals William didn't use lube when he was bent over a dog bowl.

I pissed into a Toto urinal today. As opposed to most days, when I take the piss out of Toto for their shite music.

I collapsed on the pitch today during my local club's match. I didn't have a heart problem or anything. I'm just hoping the mugs on GoFundMe will donate millions to my "charity."

At Quentin Crisp's nightclub last night, security performed a humiliating full body search. Turns out his club doesn't have security.