Sickipedia

My neighbours weren't very happy when they found out I was hosting a lesbian orgy at my house. It set some tongues wagging.

Amber Heard has announced she's given birth to twins. 'It's been a nightmare dealing with all the screaming and picking up all of the shit', said one of the babies.

This morning I saw a large semi-aquatic rodent look rather nervous whilst preparing to take a shit. I think it was a Coypu.

A scientist friend of mine said he was carrying out an experiment testing out the effects of beastiality on dogs. Apparently he's spent all day in the lab.

Last night I was shagging a dyslexic girl called Lauren - She was unreal!

Following on from the fencing joke, I've got a mate of mine who loves dueling. He even uses his sword to trim his pubes. I misunderstood him when he told me he was going to use an epee later.

According to a recent poll, the word 'cunt' is the UK's favourite swearword. It wasn't always number one, but its popularity has surged since Keir Starmer became Prime Minister.

God: 'Norm!'

Never go on a drive with a self-harmer. They're always making dangerous shortcuts.

I was horrified when my wife admitted she had an affair with a GP at our surgery who used to spunk over her feet. He wasn't her main doctor though, just a locum.