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Simon Western is bringing out his own George Foreman type grill. It's so good, he even put his face on it

When I was a kid, I used to think they were called Everton Nil?

All my jokes, memes, pics keep getting took down. I'm a pure novice on here. Some of the folks on here are geniuses. There jokes and memes are amazing. I only come on for a laugh. But obviously someone has it in for me?

I went to the the doctors cause I grew a steering wheel on my crotch. The doctor said, "whats that?" I said, "I don't know, but its driving me nuts!"

I have a potential new tenant for one of the flats. Her name is Bev Major. So, B Major wants to C Flat

Do you think these moldy barm cakes have anything to do with my bread bin stinking?

My wife walked in today and screamed, "you and all your fuckin tools, nuts and bolts on my fuckin table! None of your fuckin inventions ever work anyway!" Thats when the Slap A Cuntamatic 3000 proved her wrong.

Turn Dale Winton into a curry so he can slip out of someone's arse one last time

2 white guys and a black guy are in the barbers. The first white guy gets in the barbers chair and Says, "give me a Telly Savalas". Barber cuts his hair, when he's done he say's, "£5 please". Guy gets up and pays. Next white guy gets up and gets the same, barber cuts his hair and tells him, "£5 please" Black guy gets up and says, "Ill Have a Telly Savalas also" Barber says, "No problem". And cuts his hair. The barber says, "£10 Please". The black guy says, "whats going on? You just charged them £5. Why is it £10 for me is this some racist shit? Which the barber replies, "its £10 for a coloured Telly"

My woman won't give me a blow job because she said it's not Halal