Sickipedia

I hate all this terrorist business, I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a bus or a train and think...... "I'm fucking having that!"

APPEAL FOR THE FINSBURY PARK TERROR ATTACK After the terror attack at the Finsbury Park Mosque, a just giving page has been set up to help Darren Osbourne get his van repaired and get it back on the road. Please give generously.

Just found out that I'm allergic to condoms. Guess that explains my itchy bum hole then.

Apparently you can tell the sex of a horse by counting how many teeth it has. Or you could just look to see if it's got a massive cock.

"So how long are you in for? " I asked my cell mate. "Only for a couple of minutes, then I'm usually done" he replied as he carried on thrusting.

I want to die peacefully at work just like my dad did, not like the screaming passengers on his bus.

"Fucking cancer" I said to the barmaid in the pub last night. "I'd do anything to swap places with my 12 year old son right now" "That's awful" she replied, "What type of cancer does he have?" I said "He hasn't got cancer, I have"

Learning to ride a bike when I was younger was similar to losing my virginity. I had my uncle holding me from behind.

If you hold a shellsuit to your ear, you can hear the sound of a scouser robbing a house.

"Hand me downs" Apparently not the nicest way to ask my wife to pass our disabled baby to me.