Sickipedia

APPEAL FOR THE FINSBURY PARK TERROR ATTACK After the terror attack at the Finsbury Park Mosque, a just giving page has been set up to help Darren Osbourne get his van repaired and get it back on the road. Please give generously.

I had a vasectomy so my wife wouldn't get pregnant, but apparently all it does is change the colour of your baby.

My doctor has called me 4 times today just to tell me what my zodiac sign is.

"Hand me downs" Apparently not the nicest way to ask my wife to pass our disabled baby to me.

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

"I can't believe our 4 year old son is already looking at porn online" I said to my wife when she checked the Internet history.

"So how long are you in for? " I asked my cell mate. "Only for a couple of minutes, then I'm usually done" he replied as he carried on thrusting.

Injury Lawyers 4U are shite. When our 15 year old daughter cut herself on the garden fence, they told me to take a picture of her gash. I'm up in court next week.

I saw a kid pretending to be a dinosaur all by himself today, he looked lonely so I decided to join in. After a while his mum came out and told me off. It turns out he had Cerebral Palsy.

If you hold a shellsuit to your ear, you can hear the sound of a scouser robbing a house.