Sickipedia

Kate Middleton goes to Westminster Abbey church a week before her wedding to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "Tell all of your sins, my daughter." "Oh, Father, last night Prince Harry made hot, passionate, ball deep love to me seven times and I sucked him off for an hour," Kate says. The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it." "Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" Kate replies. "No," the priest says, "But it'll wipe that smile off your face.

A man goes to his doctor for an examination. The doctor examines him and says "I've got news for you. It turns out you have five penises. How do your pants fit!" And the man says "Like a glove."

This drunk man is taking a piss and starts to blame his dick for his life. So he slapped it and says thats for getting my wife pregnant. Then "Wack Wack" slaps twice and thats for getting my girlfriend pregnant. Then "Wack Wack Wack" and that is for pissing on me when im talking to

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the explorer doesn't want to die, so he opts for booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and fucks him in the ass. The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he opts for booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and fucks him in the ass. The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

I'll tell you, I don't get no fucking respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a taxi and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So you know where the fucker took he took me? He took me to my house!

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

My mates wife's cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. He leaves dental floss in the kitchen so he can watch the roaches hang themselves.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I saw a sign at a petrol station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I fucking quit!