Sickipedia

Passenger taps his taxi driver on the shoulder, the driver shits himself swerves narrowly avoiding a bus and stops inches from a shop window. "Fuck me you're jumpy, I only tapped you on the shoulder! " "Sorry" says the cabbie. "It's my first day. I have been driving a fucking hearse for the last 20 years!"

My friend just took 2 painkillers and said she thinks she needed a full box, so I gave her some pills of my own... Garuntee she will have a full box.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries not talking to each other.

BBC has posted to it's news site an article intitled 'what not to say to people with cancer' , comments are open , have at it guys! I wouldn't book a holiday.

Survivors of the Shoreham air crash told a court of their horror as they watched a jet aircraft hurtling towards them. One man stated " I couldn't understand what was happening, and then it hit me."

INFORMATION: Upgrades to the site mean we can now ban users for a specific period of time, or indefinitely. Continued posting of duplicate jokes will get you a ban. A warning, 24 hours, seven days, and then it's goodbye and permanent. Mod abuse, spam posting, and obvious trolling will also result in these actions. You can thank a handful of users with hundreds of accounts between them for this action to become needed. I'm going to leave the comments open, be careful what you write. Couldn't resist, haha! P.S I agree with this despite being a cunt.

Hiring a private investigator to spy on Gemma Collins but... NASA still haven't got back to me.

These toffees are fucking soft! ... Said Millwall.

Years and years ago we used to all gather at special arenas to watch a load of niggers perform for our entertainment... Just watched Arsenal vs Manchester United...

Cardiff regretting putting Emiliano Sala on Ryan Air.