Sickipedia

Kym Marsh goes to her gynacologist after her recent leak. She jumps up on the bed and the doctor takes a look. "It's a big one, Its a big one" !! No need to say it twice says Kim. I didn't says the gynacologist. It's the echo.

Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl who's bike has a flat tyre. Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way. A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike. "What the feck happened"? asks Murphy. "Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fuckin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! "So I took the bike.'' "Good on ye'' says Murphy, ''I'm sure the fuckin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"

A young girl from Donegal leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat. "Holy goodness, Colleen," says her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?" Colleen replies, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?" When the weekend's over, Colleen returns to the bright lights, but she's back to visit her ma a few months later. This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring. Same exchange with Ma...same "Won it at bingo! " Colleen returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back. This time she's sporting a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She hands her mother 1,000 pounds and explains that she won it all in bingo. Then she asks her Ma to run her a bath as she needs to freshen up. When Colleen gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Ma being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, calls downstairs, "Ma! Sure now, didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!" "Indade there is, me darlin," replies her Ma. "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?

How do you confuse an archaeologist ? Give him a tampon and ask what period it's from !

Breaking News: Van gets a strike at Finsbury Park ten pin bowling

Ram a Van observed near London Mosque Driver was told do not Break Fast

What do you call a suicide bomber in a train station ? A Belgian chocolate !

2 guys Tommy & Andy are at the deaf clinic and decide to go for a beer after getting their new hearing aids. They walk into the pub and Tommy goes up to the bar for the beers. He turns round n see's a band playing. He asks the barman, "What kind of music is that, is it pop music?" No it's not pop music replies the barman. "If its no pop music is it rock music" asks Tommy. No its not rock music replies the barman. "So if its no pop music and its no rock music, what kind of music is it" asks Tommy. Actually its Country and Western music says the barman. Tommy takes the beers and sits down wi his mate. Andy says see that band over there what music are they playing ? Is it pop music ? No it's no pop music says Tommy. If its no pop music is it rock music ? No it's no rock music says Tommy. So if its no pop music n its no rock music what kind o fucking music is it asks Andy. Tommy replies Oh the barman says it's some cunt from Preston !!!

Whats the height of conceit ? Faking an orgasm while having a wank !

Beyonce has just discovered that Roy Castle was really her father. Can't see her taking his surname somehow.