Sickipedia

I was asked to leave the local swimming pool today as the large bulge in my Speedos was upsetting some of the other swimmers. I pointed out another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave. “Because he hasn’t shat himself,” was the reply.

if these are meant to be jokes, then im a monkeys boyfriend. lift your game girls or fcuk off somewhere else. I wont tell you again.

I don't know what scene is , but the quality of jokes on here leave a lot to be desired. so all you wankers out there pull your finger out of your mums bum and post good jokes that are fcuking funny. if you aint got any then fcuk off and wallow in your shit.

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine. She fumbled through her purse for a dime and went over to the machine and inserted the coin. Out came a card that said: “You weigh 126 pounds, and in 30 seconds you will pass gas”. And, Sure enough, after 30 seconds, she broke wind. Astonished that the machine was correct, she found another dime and returned to the weight machine. After inserting the coin, out popped another card that read “you still weigh 126 pounds and in 30 seconds, a really hot guy will show up and show interest in you.” After another 30 seconds, a muscular blonde, blue-eyed guy emerged out of a nearby alley and beckoned her to go over to him. As her love life had been quiet for a while, she obliged. Once done with being the center of attention, she fumbled through her purse and found another dime. She shimmied over to the machine and put it in. Again, a little card popped out that said ….. “U STILL WEIGH 126 POUNDS AND WHILE U WERE FARTING AND FOOLING AROUND …. ……………………………………. U MISSED UR BUS !!”

cmon twatheads, jokes here today are pigshit. work harder, lazy bastards.

jokes on here today are shite, cmon you twats work harder.

“Go and have a look at the size of the shit I’ve just done in the bathroom!” I said to my wife. “No thanks,” she replied. “Please, just one quick look,” I said, “You won’t believe it.” She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, “There’s nothing down there, you must’ve flushed it.” I said, “It’s on the scales.”

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home and found her bathing. Since he was blind, she let him in. After bathing, she came out naked, spread her legs and started shaving in front of him. She tried to make a conversation by asking him, “Brother John, what brings you here? Is everything OK at home?” He replied, “Yes, very fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye surgery and I can see very clearly now

'I just found out my sister is having a baby with a black guy, well I'll be a monkeys uncle'

A man phones work and says “Sorry, can’t come in today, I’m sick.” The boss says “How sick are you?” “Well…” the man replies “You be the judge – I’m in bed with my sister.”