Sickipedia

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistants chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet, Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

I see kate Garraway's husband Derek Draper has covid.

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car? Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

I was accosted by a bunch of perverts on the subway... I had to beat them off.

Today I watched a documentary about crustaceans and I saw a crab take another crab's food... ...crabs can be so shellfish right?

A cattle transporter was moving a bus full of baby cows. He tried to make them sit still but they kept rotating. I guess the veals on the bus go round and round.

An elephant asked a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" The camel was stunned for a second and then replied, “That’s a good question, especially coming from a freak who has a dick on his face!"

In the post fight interview Tyson was asked why he kept biting his glove. I guess thumb things are better left unsaid.

Chris Rea is clearing the frost off the car windscreen..