Sickipedia

Paddy pulls up at the traffic lights next to a stunning looking girl. Paddy smiles at her and winds his window down. She smiles back and winds her window down. Paddy says ' have you farted as well?'

A robber walks into a bank and shouts "freeze! Gimme all the money!" A brave customer grabs at his mask and says "ha! I've seen your face now" so the robber shoots him dead. "Any of you other fuckers see my face?!" He demands. Silence for a moment then a faint voice pipes up...."I think those Pakis in the corner got a glimpse"

Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend." The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?" Paddy says "a blow job"

Why is it that a lot of Ford car names sound better when you put 'anal' in front of them? Probe, Ranger, Explorer, Escort, Fiesta, Galaxy and Cougar.

I like my A4 refill pads how I like my women. Easily ruled and punched twice near the spine to keep them in line with the others.

So I'm sat behind this prick who can't fucking drive. He's weaving all over the place, hasn't got a clue. I start shouting at the cunt 'ya fuckin Paki bastard, learn to fuckin drive & while your at it, fuck off back to your own country ya smelly cunt.' Cheeky bastard told me to get out of his taxi...

I shagged my best mate's wife the other night and now I feel terrible...... Reckon she had flu or something.

I thought I saw my wife's name on a loaf of bread today. Looked more closely and realised it actually said 'thick cut'

A phone rings.... Woman answers.... Pervert breathes heavily....."have you got a tight unshaven cunt?" Woman replies "yes...... He's watching the TV, who shall I say is calling?"

I got up for a piss in the night and noticed a Paki sneaking around in next doors garden. Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and twatted him around the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the shovel and bury him. Astonished I got back into bed. My wife said "darling you're shaking, what's the matter?" "You'll never believe what I've just seen" I replied, " that cunt next door has still got my fucking shovel!!"