Sickipedia

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby. She was riding a little red pedal car with tiny ladders hanging off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman’s helmet. The pedal car was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. “That’s a nice fire engine,” he said admiringly. “Thank you,” the girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had tied the pedal car to her dog’s collar—and to the cat’s testicles. “Little girl,” the fireman said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your apparatus, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.” The little girl thought for a moment, then replied: “You’re probably right… but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

A hunter accidentally shoots himself in the genitals with his shotgun. A few hours later, while lying in a hospital bed, he’s approached by his doctor. Doctor: “The good news is, you’re going to be okay. The bad news is there’s some pretty significant buckshot damage to your penis, so I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.” Hunter: “Is she a plastic surgeon?” Doctor: “No. She plays the flute… she’ll teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your face.”