Sickipedia

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.

No survivors in Tennessee explosives factory blast, officials say. Well the product's good, but they really should've put more thought into the testing process.

Not keeping up appearances for much longer.

2 Jews killed in Manchester. The 5 men were in a synagogue when the murderer stabbed all 10 of them. Police said: we regret the death of 20 people at the synagogue. 50 families have lost a loved one today.

Today, after years of waiting, peace talks resumed between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Wait I’m sorry -- this news is from 1979....

White House renovations.

I think its forgot about now

I think its forgot about now

A film of the recent Louvre heist, will soon be made featuring.....Mr. Bean

Football match between Hapoel and Maccabi Tel Aviv called off due to hooliganism. Both sets of fans first blamed each other for starting it, then blamed antisemitism, before settling on blaming khamas for the incident.