Sickipedia

I will have to make a Doctors appointment tomorrow, my black outs have started again . From 1 oclock this morning till 2am I can't remember a thing

We knew more about the proposed role of Elon in a Trump administration while voting than any department head in US history for any other administration.

I can sympathise with Darker and his Kawasaki. I can't ride my old 80s bike anymore because I had two strokes.

My Nan died from a stroke when I didn't act FAST. F – Face. Has their face fallen on one side? Can they smile? A – Arms. Can they raise both arms and keep them there? S – Speech. Is their speech slurred? T - I couldn't remember this one, so I made her some tea and toast.

Suspect your nan or grandad has had a stroke? Act F.A.S.T. F. Fuck it, go through the motions, they are going to die of something. A. Ask if they have made a will out and where is it. S. Stay until they die. Then you can ransack the house for valuables. T. Talk to them, try and find out any shit on your mum and dad you can blackmail them with in the future.

Jamaican tourist board information: Remember to always keep a two metre distance, That's about six penis lengths

We were climbing Mt Everest, I noticed one of the local Nepalese porters was struggling with our equipment , he kept grimacing going rigid, clenching his fists and looked like he was cramping up . I said to one of the guys "is he gonna be ok with all that stuff?" He said "of course he will be, it's Sherpa Tensing".

Despite being strapped into a stretcher in the back of an ambulance, Chris Rea was still able to notice the driver had taken a wrong turn on the way to hospital. He removed his Oxygen mask and croaked " This is the road to Hull"

Johnium Cleesium on Twitterium

The wife was just about to put on Mrs Brown's Boys when thankfully I suffered a cerebral haemorrhage and was rushed to hospital. Talk about a stroke of luck.