Sickipedia

I was on the phone to a young woman today, and on the other end, all I could hear was, ummm, aaah, errr, groaning and slurping and this carried on for four hours. And I'd only got to page three of Rosie Jones' PIP assessment.

The Samaritans have set up a new specialist Thalidomide support team If you're affected by this, please do reach out

What have Heather Mills and a cricket field got in common? A long leg

Ozzy was worth £165 million when he died. At least Sharon can afford a new vibrator.

Morten Harket spent four hours today signing autographs for well wishers and fans. If he'd have stayed another four hours, he may have been able to sign two autograph books.

Down Syndrome Dating. Helping you find that special someone.

Seeing ugly useless spastics now & again isn't always a bad thing. It just makes you think that your life isn't really that bad.

I really pissed off a couple of random blokes today by calling them hipsters.. Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'.

A priest has a heart attack and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses. "Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest. "No," says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward."

I need to improve my golf handicap So I've made Rosie Jones my caddy, replacing Harvey Price