Sickipedia

I looked down at the low rent prostitute's hole and said "there's no way I'm sticking my dick in that pussy it's covered in shit and warts". She said "no my last punter threw up when he was licking me out, I think he must have eaten a toffee crisp"

I'm just wondering if I really should post this old joke, I've started so I'd better finish. A prostitute picks up a German tourist in London, and as they walk back to the cheap hotel they discuss terms (and conditions). He wants it kinky, she agree for an extra £50. As agreed, he ties her arms and ankles and then fits old bed springs to her knees and elbows. Finally he inserts a duck caller in her mouth and insists she blows it repeatedly. Do you know where this joke is going yet ? No, okay I'll continue. Off they go, he hammers her from behind and they bounce wildly around the room to the sound of a breathless goose. She realises the sex is absolutely fantastic and, when she has recovered, asks him what the technique is called. "It's an old German love-making practice"he replies, it's called the four sprung duck technique" OK, I'm not even stopping for my coat.

The BBC will soon be filming a programme where four 20 year old men compete to see how many different prostitutes they can visit with only £300. Bargain Cunt airs in December.

Girlfriend came home with £86.50 from a night of Prostitution. I asked her who gave 50p They all did she said

A prostitute told me I could have sex with her for the reduced rate of £10 as she didn't have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it? She replied "Acwoss the woad, against those wailings."

Last night I paid four prostitutes to play out my submissive fantasy . Which was to treat me like I was simply just a piece of pavement . I had only wanted them to walk up and down on me. But instead I ended up covered in chewing gum and bird shit

Personally speaking I am a big fan of the current EU freedom of movement rules. Not too far from where I live there are a group of Romanian sex workers who will suck your cock for a tenner or do anal for 20 quid. Or, if you prefer a female just add on another fiver.

What's the best part of having a prostitute die on you? The second hour is free.

I was out walking the dog earlier when I noticed 2 men fighting in the street over a prostitute? It was a tug-of-whore.

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made £200.50". He asks, "What arsehole gave you 50p ?" and she replies "all of them".