Sickipedia

Sorry it's not a joke, but somehow I've clicked a button that gives me a notification every time a certain poster on here puts in a joke... how do I remove it?

Sorry lads. This ain’t a joke, just wanted you all to know, I log on to this site every day, I don’t contribute because I’m just not that funny and don’t want to steal other people’s jokes to look popular, for the most part, this is a brilliant, witty, abusive (in the right way) website. Only thing that is a little boring and pointless is all the bullshit and bickering towards each other, your telling grown up jokes, be grown ups. All this troll shit is ruining what you have all built up to be a really good site. Don’t ruin it with all that bullshit. Tell a joke, make everyone laugh.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300million mile voyage. Fucking Hell, the one I drove in the 90s barely used to make it to Sainsbury's.

Unable to find toothpaste due to empty shelves, I decided to chew on my dog's toy bone instead. Now my mouth is squeaky clean.

Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, Who had 8 kids already, Three who were deaf, Two who were blind, One mentally retarded, And she had syphilis, Would you recommend that she undergoes an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one. Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, Sleeps until noon, Used opium in college And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero, He's a vegetarian, Doesn't smoke, Drinks an occasional beer And never committed adultery. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first ... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response. Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolph Hitler. And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Remember: Amateurs ... Built the ark. Professionals ... Built the Titanic

BBC Sport: Frampton retires after losing world title fight. Why didn't someone show him the way?

I saw this woman at the side of the road in tears, "Are you OK love? " I asked. "I've had a breakdown, do you think you can help?" she replied. "Yes, I'm sure I can, " I answered, "I'm a psychiatrist. "

Daily Mail: Pregnant Pakistani woman has two-inch nail hammered into her head. Fucking Hell. There must be an easier way to make a red dot...

Anyone else think that naming a brand of condoms 'Trojan' hasn't really been thought through properly .... Trojans who are mostly famous for having their defences breached, big time