Sickipedia

Cadbury have released a new chocolate bar celebrating diversity, called 'Unity'. Surely they should've called it the 'Snowflake'?

Vegan Camp-out 2023 has been cancelled, as attendees were very thin on the ground.

On my way through the airport last week: 'Anything to declare, Sir?' 'Yes.' 'Well, what then?' 'I'm a vegan.'

My lefty next door neighbour is attending a 'Stop the coup' rally today. He dossed around at uni doing a Mickey Mouse course, dropped out, claims benefits for his 'bad back', and now sits around all day smoking weed. He's the one in the crowd holding the 'Champion of the Working Man' placard.

There was a knock on my door and it was the cycling new age vegan who wanted to buy our house, "Why have you rejected my offer in favour of a lower one?" He demanded to know. "Well, " I replied, "I accepted Mr Mohammeds lower offer after the rest of the street had a whip round to make the difference up as they did not want their properties devaluing."

Clearing is a real process that takes 30 seconds and allows a student into uni. Cleaning is a 3 year theoretical process for a student where you could remove dirt, hair, dead skin, stains and shit but you don't.

I'm writing a new superhero comic. It's about a guy with serious self-esteem issues. Classic. Who gets mystical healing powers from a giant crystal. Classic. He seeks to save the world from evil by asserting his world view on everyone. Classic. It's called, "The Hippie".