Sickipedia

I fancied a Chinese earlier. Then I found out she had a cock. Talk about sweet and sour.

Which journalist was the first to report on the ice cream man stabbed to death? Whoever it was, they got the scoop. I'll bet when the cops found the suspects they yelled "Freeze!" Justice will be served! They'll never get ouf of prison, even if they're 99 Those killers were emotionless, cold as ice. When I heard one of the murderers was a guy I thought, how dare 'e? Those killers should have spent more time in sundae school. They should put them on suicide watch, they might top themselves. and so on...

My girlfriend said I could win Bake Off with my special bread. I'll prove it.

John Lewis has just announced their 2026 Christmas ad will launch on January 1st . FFS.

Psychopathic tendencies and black coffee.

I mixed a Zinger Fillet Burger with a Filet-O-Fish. It looked like a cunt, smelled like a cunt and it predictably had the taste of a cunt.

I've decided that I can only have one glass of wine at dinner time. I've already had thirteen dinners today.

Me bird was fuming last night coz I cooked a Chicken Madras instead of a korma. Long story short , there I am cleaning the dishes , being the modern man , when her right palm knocks me flying. ..arse lands right on one of them 80s style electric cookers (perfect for hot knifes) talk about ring sting .... should of just cooked the fucking korma.

Seems like Greg Wallace might not be getting sacked after all; perhaps he could bring back the Benny Hill Show

Jessica Biel is married to Justin Timberlake. Does that make her a Biel-T?