Sickipedia

I was sitting in the pub doing a Crossword when I turned to my Scottish mate and said.."I'm stuck on one.. Stranded On An Island, eight letters." "Marooned" He said. "About fucking time" I replied. "I'll have a lager."

Two scots Archie & Jimmy, are discussing Jimmy's wedding. "Och, it's all goin' brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' sorted, the fluers, church, cuars, reception, rings, meenister, even ma stag night". Archie nods approvingly. "I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "You'll look smairt. Whit's the tartan?" "Och," says Jimmy, "she'll be in white!"

What's better than being the Prime Minster of England or the First Minister of Scotland? Being white.

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they try and vote again for independence. I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

I got drunk in the pub last night, got into a massive row with the wife which ended with me headbutting her. A Scottish bloke confronted me and accused me of cultural appropriation.

I think Alex Salmond should make the best of his last few months of... FREEEDOOOOM!!

Seen on social media: Would You Ever Try A DEEP-FRIED McDonald's Breakfast? I'm Scottish. Up here we deep-fry our cholesterol meds.

Two young girls have been found safe after spending the night stuck in a train. Why were the 12-year old Glasgow girls out at night in Lockdown? They should have been at home with their kids.

The Scottish people needn’t worry about the ‘panther’ that’s reported to be on the loose. If it’s been in Scotland for a length of time it won’t have any fucking teeth left.

New health food restaurant just opened in Glasgow. "I Can't Believe It's Not Battered"