Sickipedia

A Guide to Boris speak. Northern Power house = shit hole places we tories have neglected and screwed over for years. Moving forward = Let's not talk about all my fuck ups. Stay at home = unless you're a government advisor or my Health minister. Control the virus = ignore the science. Protect the NHS= privatise the NHS. Clap for heroes = no decent payrise for people that have dug me out of a massive hole. Levelling up= building a huge flat platform at the top of the pyramid to get even more of my tory mates up there. Cautiously and Irreversibly.= whilst cautiously looking out for danger I will be heading towards it anyway regardless. Brilliant oxymoron.. real translation ... blundering towards catastophe

M people are pissed that the tories used their song "moving on up" at their conference. Me too! R.e.m's 'end of the world as we know it' would've been much more appropriate! Any other suggestions?

Priti Patel Shag, Marry, or Kill?

Jacob Rees-Mogg today suggested that people having difficulty with the cost of living should simply cut their outgoings by moving into their smaller second home.

Tory mp stabbed by member of the public ......Oh the irony.

As if the covid regulations couldnt get any more ridiculous! We will soon be allowed to hug and kiss and meet indoors.....but strictly no dancing at weddings! This virus is very strange the way it operates, it wont get you if you're hugging and kissing indoors but if you break out into a dance at a wedding, make no mistake, you're fucked!

The Tory parliamentarian who lost all his limbs to sepsis says he wants to be remembered as the first "Bionic" MP Well, suppose it makes a change from being a nonce

Happy Fill Lenny Henry's Bank Account Day

I was just making breakfast and accidentally set up an offshore trust. I'm so careless

Have you donated money to the Conservative party but not yet received a Knighthood? You may be entitled to compensation...