Sickipedia

Hats off to the girl with the false leg in the Olympic closing ceremony. According to the commentator she had her leg amputated at 12. Fuck me, at 4 pm she was prancing around like someone normal.

My dad used to say "I was as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition". Now that's an event I'd definitely watch at the Paralmpics.

What’s got one hundred legs and flies? The bins behind our local vet.

I've decided to send Putin a book.... "An Expert's guide on how to invade a foreign country" Author - Tony Blair

Do Paralympians get Athlete's Stump?

A Policeman called at my door last night with a photo of a missing man.. "we're looking for this man, he's a Jehovah's Witness who lost both his arms in an accident." I replied..."I haven't seen him officer but his face rings a bell."

I just read this in an agony aunt column 'I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I found out he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?'

I can't stand people who moan about how bad they've got it. They should take a leaf out of my mate Brian's book. He lost his voice and both his legs in a bad car accident last year. Does he make a song and dance about it? Does he fuck!

I see hand sanitizer sales in Saudi Arabia are half what they are elsewhere in the world.

Bought a load of dodgy dynamite off the internet recently. Ended up costing me an arm and a leg.