Sickipedia

Reduce your chances of being mown down in Liverpool by a madman by having a job and staying off the streets.

Little miss scouse gets home from school, "Mummy mummy, I've been chosen to play Mary in the school nativity play. " "Wow darling that's brilliant. " "Yes mummy, I'll be just like you, pregnant without a fucking clue who the father is. "

Just heard on the news, there will be a minute's silence before the charity shield match today. News agencies, please note: the day there isn't a fucking minute's silence before a Liverpool game, that will count as news.

A UFO landed in Liverpool and there was an alien abduction! Three scousers put one of them in the back of a transit van.

There's been a tragedy in Liverpool recently. For those of you who don't know the details, let me run through it...

Let me apologise in advance to all regulars on Sickipedia who happen to be Scousers... The comedian Andrew Lawrence actually said this on X: "To be fair, if I was in Liverpool, I'd drive through crowds of people to get the fuck out of there as well."

Keir Starmer, "We all stand with the people of Liverpool." The last time I stood with the people of Liverpool I lost my fucking wallet.

I was fucking a Scouse girl when her baby started crying. Not wanting the attention, my first response was to run away from behind those wheelie bins.

After watching Wayne Rooney's punditry before, I'm surprised that bosses at the BBC thought he deserved more AAAIIIRRR time.

Slot: Diogo will always be with us. Maudlin Scousers not realising he's taking the piss.