Sickipedia

George Kerr a Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically. "How much to repair it?' George asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist. George painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. George marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

"I've never been so embarrassed in my life after you farting in church. " "It was silent and an accident. Who cares?" "Yes, but was it really necessary to use your Bible to waft it around everyone?"

I got lost on my way to the scat orgy. Luckily my car's got ShatNav.

What's the biggest waste of time ever ? Pricks who join joke sites to comment on other people's jokes but don't post jokes themselves Boogster Youdumbcunt And others

JUST AN OBSERVATION KIMJONGFATDAUGHTERAPETRUMP HAS BEEN GETTING SHITE AS HES BEEN CAUGHT OUT USING VPN TO VOTE UPHIS MEDIOCRE OFFERINGS. AND I HAVE NOTICED THAT LATELY HIS POINTS HAVENT BEEN AS HIGH AS HE KNOWS WE ARE ON TO HIM RUN FAT BOY BUT YOU CANT HIDE (Because you’re too fucking fat to hide) NUMBER 2 ON THE NEW SITE? EVERYTHING YOU DO IS NUMBER 2 AS FOR BEING A FOURTH DAN CHOW MEIN IM SUPRISED YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE CHAIR FAT BOY! SEE YOU ON THE NEW SITE

Whats the most frustrating thing about being with an 8 year old with cancer? You can't pull her hair while fucking her!

What's invisible and smells like bamboo? Panda farts.

"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket." "I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt."

I'm leaving the scat party early. I've had enough of this shit

I called into my local the other day for a pint, 'Dai Wheels' was in the corner having a frantic wank. A stranger walked in and ordered a glass of wine in a polished English accent, he turned around, caught sight of Dai and said "Oh for goodness sake. I've been in this revolting country for five minutes; I got off the train and there was a chap having sex with a sheep in the field next to the station. I've walked into a hostelry to find a disabled man masturbating without a care in the world! What is it with you people, are you all perverts?" The landlord looked at him angrily and replied "Now think about it boyo and put yourself in someone else's shoes, how many sheep do you think you'd be able to catch if you were in a wheelchair?"