Sickipedia

I love the way my nine year old son is preparing for adulthood and it's pitfalls. He spent all his money on a dolls house and gave it his little girlfriend next door saying, "Here you might as well have a house now instead of taking one off me in twenty years. "

A good one from Quora: A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

I saw a lonely little boy sitting on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push. He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.

I put my little girl a nice vegan meal of salad and reconstituted crushed nuts shaped into a little daisy shape but she just looked at it. "Come on sweetheart, " I said, "there are children all over the world who are starving and won't eat anything today. " She looked at me with sorrow and said, "Well send them this fucking shit then. "

GOVERNMENT: Now you have plans to raise retirement age to 75, why not lower school leaving age to 10? These chimneys don't sweep themselves you know.

Ran over a load of vegetables yesterday! Last time i take a short cut through the special needs school

An abused child phones Childline every minute. That little cunt needs a fucking good slap.

Three quarters of kids hold their poo at school. Those disgusting fucking retards should all be expelled.

The government have announced that 16 and 17-year-olds will be able to vote in the next general election. Labour have also begun producing adverts showing Joe Camel voting for them.

If you want to smack your kids, but not leave a mark. I find a good quality oven glove works best.