Sickipedia

Nigel Farage claims that one in three Glasgow schoolchildren can't speak English fluently. The other two are immigrants.

At a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is : Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were "Take That" what were the second two. After a lengthy silence a wee Glesga man stands up and says.." was it.. Ya Bastard?" *Oldie

What do you call a Glaswegian with a puppy farm. A Dug Dealer.

Newsflash: A Paki has been found battered to death in Glasgow. Those fucking Jocks will deep fry anything.

Hey Glasgow. Thanks for your help in reducing knife crime. Whilst your at it, can you advise us how to eat more vegetables and reduce sectarian violence at football matches please?

"Unexpected item in bagging area" Every time I try to buy supermarket fruit or veg in Glasgow!

I tried contacting the dead, but could only seem to find people from Glasgow. Stupid weedgie board.

I was in Glasgow city centre last week, and an American tourist came up to me: 'Say, buddy, ah'm sick and tired a awl this plastic tourist crap! Can you tell me where ah can find an awthennic Glesgow cultural experience?' So I stabbed him.

A little about me; I live in Glasgow, and my main hobbies are listening to gangsta rap and playing Grand Theft Auto. Only problem is, I can never quite be sure whether the sirens are coming from the stereo, the PlayStation or the street outside.

Racehorse ESCAPES the track and gallops through Scottish town after unseating jockey. Jocks chippy now offering Horse Supper.