Sickipedia

I use three in one oil instead of KY gel when having sex with the wife. It stops the whining noise from her mouth, it stops her minge creaking, and it clears the shit from the rusty starfish.

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. I was the third man I married Margaret from Rochdale. I ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and I could see out of my left eye and my arm was healed enough so that I could fix myself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. I still have some difficulty when go for a piss though. Credit to original author.

I gave my wife a pair of odour eaters and she was quite offended, "Are you saying my feet smell?" She asked. "Not at all, " I replied, "they're for your knickers."

According to a new study, couples who have a sex schedule are more likely to stay together. Even better news – my wife penciled me in for late December.....

Women are great, they will quite happily give you food which is a bit out of date saying it is ok, but you try telling them there is nothing wrong with their old clothes.

I'm sure my best mate is having an affair with my wife. I've never seen him looking so miserable...

We were watching a film on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen top and starts to make love to her, "Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens. " "I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that gets fucked in our kitchen is the food. "

As I woke up in the middle of the night, I screamed as I saw what I thought was a zombie approaching in the dark. Nope - it was just my wife returning from the toilet.

My wife says "I never listen to her" "Oh, and something else"

My wife just complained that some guy said to her, "You could fit a bus in there, love!" outside the gynecologists... They must be busy if they're doing examinations in the car park.