Sickipedia

The wife said she got an ever ready chicken for tea.. I said "don't you mean oven ready" She said" no, it's a battery hen.

Not a lot of people know this. But the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.

The government has pledged to send vegetables as food aid to the people of Gaza, thus doing its bit for peas in the Middle East. I'll get my coat.

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.

And in financial news . . . Atlantic Feather Company had another down day. United Lettuce closed ahead. Titanic Salvage sank rapidly. Ginsu Knife rose sharply. UK Pencil Company lost a few points. RyanAir went sky high. Huggies Nappies remained unchanged. Cushelle touched a new bottom. And Trump Enterprises hit a new low.

What is the country coming to? Good quality porn, probably.

Fly away Mr. Cravitz, fly away.

The IRA has claimed responsibilty of the synagogue attack in Manchester, and credited the actions to their volunteer, Jihad Al Seamus...

Phil Atio. I went to school with him. Loved oral sex. Dated a girl named Connie Lingus.

Colin Oscopy I went to school with him. Nice kid. Had a large bowel. Good with a camera.