Sickipedia

Imagine being such an incredibly incompetent prick, that you're born into a position where you literally have to do jack shit for your entire life.... and you fuck that up.

Just because a white man walks in to a mosque and kills a bunch of people, they assume he's a christian? Fucking racists.

The pot hole outside my house was so big it took six council workers to watch the guy who came to fix it.

So I hear Karl Lagerfeld has died. Although I'm not sure how they can tell. He's looked like a corpse for at least 20 years.

The fight against domestic terrorism needs to start in our schools. 10 different ways to cook pork in home economics should do it.

Couldn't give a shit what gender you say you identity as; my gender can still fuck yours.

How embarrassing for Prince Andrew not to be welcome at a church service. The ultimate insult: rejected by your own kind.

My kids wanted to eat their easter eggs, but it was only good Friday. I told them they could as long as they realised they would be celebrating the killing of jesus. They got stuck in. I'm so proud.

The term 'two-man tent' must really piss feminists off, and the fact you can only fit one feminist in a two man tent. (Thanks NiggerFarage)

Decided to try my luck at the pub last night. Went up to a girl at the bar and said 'Nice legs, what time do they open?' Didn't go down well. Fucking quadriplegics have no sense of humor.