Sickipedia

How Facebook rows start: Me: Things not going too well, feeling a bit low. Comment: Don't worry my friend. Me: I wasn't worrying your friend! I don't even know your friend, you wanker!

FOR SALE. Season ticket to Gloucester. No longer required. Apply: Dr. Foster.

It's a Muslim tradition that Jihadists get 40 virgins when they go to heaven. Further research reveals that it may have been a mis-translation and in fact they get "40 Camels". Further research has revealed that Muslims don't care one way or the other.

I didn't get the job I applied for: "PA to young disabled girl" How was I to know "PA" didn't stand for "Paedophile Asshole"?

In the last year I've had sex with more women than I've had hot dinners. -Prisoner 76758236, Belsen.

I have a confession. I once appeared in a gay porn film. Of course, that was years ago. I was just a child.

I just got a 9ft penis extension. That should fuck off the neighbours who complained about planning permission.

I'm fed up with you Christian bastards criticising us Muslims for shagging animals. I'll get my goat.

Thousands of American women are protesting about thier rights to have an abortion. Since they're American I would have thought it should be fucking compulsory.

I got caught up in a demonstration by Thalidomide victims. It started peacefully but then they all kicked off.