Sickipedia

Phoned a drugs helpline today. A voice said "If you need information about cannabis press hash!"

I always said I would never molest my pet lions,but eventually I had to swallow my pride.

Little boy looking at his mum in the bath. "Mum, what's that crack between your legs?" "Oh, that's where your father hit me with an axe." "Fuck me! He got you right in the cunt!"

If you're feeling a little down and insecure, why not illegally park in a disabled parking space? The world and his wife will rush over and tell you that there is nothing wrong with you!

How ironic that the one guy who wanted to carry on looking at cun*s by blocking the upskirting bill, is now the one cun* that the whole world is looking at!

PJ and Drunken

Quick tip to all the Welsh out there. Next time you're shagging your sheep, why not take it to the cliff edge? That way it'll be begging to back up on you!

VAR! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

A gay guy robs a bank and on his way out a policeman sees him and shouts, "Freeze punk!" He stops suddenly in his tracks, turns around and says, "Free??"

It's about time we put doctor's receptionists at the border controls. Let's see how many illegals get past them!