Sickipedia

What's the most sensitive part of a woman? Her fat arse.

I've just heard that my best mate is in hospital this morning with a sports related injury. That's what happens when you don't pay your bookie.

I've been trying to teach my mate how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive. His wife stands on it and doesn't let us out.

Paddy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns? He asked the local farmer. "Well sir, cattle can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. the farmer replied. The farmer continued, "But this cow doesn't have any horns because it is a horse!"

I take it was meant to be Stephen Hawkings shift as admin of Sickipedia yesterday?

Big shout going out to St Patrick, who supposedly drove all the snakes out or Ireland. But let's face it, thats clearly a loada shite , they didn't have cars back then.

I've just been to a ventriloquist's funeral - they sang the hymn "All Things Gright And Geautical!"

William bumps into Harry at the reception. "Brilliant do, bruv. Have you seen Dad?" "He wasn't invited, mate," replies Harry, "but yours is dancing with Camilla."

Just sold my old car to some bloke for top price, lol the passenger door keeps falling off, the boot won't stay shut and it's backfiring like fuck. What a clown.

A man's wife hits him across the head. He says "What's that for?" She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it". Quick as a flash he says "that's the name of a horse i bet on today, you silly cow" she apologizes. A week later she hits him with a frying pan! He say's, "what the fuck was that for?". She replies. "Your horse phoned!