Sickipedia

Well my Katie Price advent calendar is a massive disappointment. It's only got 2 massive flaps. And the chocolate that came out of it is proper fucked.

I don't like voting because it makes me cross.

Mock Simon Weston all you want, but the cunt hasn't aged a day since 1982.

Piers Morgan Big M Small organ

I was ready with the tissues this morning hearing about a Royal split, only to see it wasn't Kate's..

I was driving on holiday when I hit a skunk, so I pulled over. "Quick, get to a vets, it's shivering, How should I keep it warm?" said my missus, returning with the injured animal. "Put it between your legs." I replied. "But it stinks!" she snapped. "Well hold it's fucking nose then!"

It hurts me dearly every year when I secretly sprinkle tablets onto my Nanna's Christmas dinner, and then serve it to her with a loving smile... But I'd be fucked if I got her pregnant.

Davis Bellamy's funeral will be held on 2 weeks time, whereupon he will be buwied in the undergwoth.

So apparently there's a $80mill Bounty for the orange head of the Donald? Fuck me, and I thought Freddos were expensive..

How does Aquaman keep his grass so tidy? With his lawnMomoa. Credit goes to my little shitcunt nephew Toby.