Sickipedia

To all those worried about running out of toilet paper. Search your cupboards for your GCSE certificates and Record of Achievements from school. Put them to some actual use.

I was walking down Canal Street in Manchester. Good to see so many places supporting the NHS.

I've recently started to lose weight and actually saw my penis today. I was looking in a mirror at the time, but I saw it.

I was chatting to a German lass in a bar, but there was some communication problems. I made the mistake of saying I wanted to get shitfaced.

Confused? Have a Snickers. Well I still don't know if I'm gay or not, but I've now got a Snickers stuck up my bum.

Sports teams are boycotting social media this weekend in protest at online abuse. Is that the real reason or just an excuse for a few days off?

I'm beginning to think the people of Hartlepool are thick fuckers. First they believe a monkey is a frog, and now they belive the tories.

Why do Americans bum Chuck Norris so much? His name is linked with both vomit and diarrhoea and he's as tough and strong as both. Not much of joke, just wanted to piss off the yanks.

My boyfriend just proposed to me. I accepted but only if I get a nice big ring. He's invited Leroy around to help us celebrate.

Bomb squad called to Grand Hotel in Scarborough. Police have confirmed this is to ensure there is a bomb and make sure it goes off successfully.