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toppyflits

Member since 4 years ago

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toppyflits

12 days ago-Wordplay-Wordplay-Post Rating : -4

I said to my girlfriend, "I think you should make me a sandwich made with meat from the trimmings from various meat cuts and fatback and sun-dried Calabrian chilli peppers, which give a characteristically fiery taste. The meats that are minced together then stuffed in large casings and smoked, creating a soft large sausage, which is aged for 3–6 months." She replied, "Nduja now?"

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14 days ago-Sex and Shit-Girlfriend-Post Rating : 1

I'm not saying my girlfriend's ugly but her new porn site's called AnyFans.

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Headstone Roses

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16 days ago-Sports-Football-Post Rating : -8

Celtic defender Kieran Tierney scored the goal that takes Scotland to the World Cup for the first time in 28 years. I wonder how many Rangers fans hate him.

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22 days ago-Crime-Murder-Post Rating : -9

A man has been found dead at the bottom of an Italian lake, his feet set in cement. Police have concrete evidence of homicide.

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22 days ago-Other-Food and Drink-Post Rating : 2

My girlfriend said I could win Bake Off with my special bread. I'll prove it.

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27 days ago-Other-Wordplay-Post Rating : 1

Fairy Max Power. He lives in Waterford.

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28 days ago-Illness and Mortality-Addictions-Post Rating : 3

My daughter's back on the anorexia ward after spending the weekend staring at her food. Fat load of good that did her.

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29 days ago-Politics-Kier Starmer-Post Rating : 22

Guy Fawkes Night and I'm off for fireworks and a bonfire. At the Bell Hotel, Epping, Essex.

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one month ago-Other-Gender-Post Rating : 7

Despite the record number of genders now, isn't amazing that all crimes are still only carried out by men and women?

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