Sickipedia

A teenage Irish boy has been arrested after getting a wee bit confused. He bashed the monkey and spanked the Bishop. Monkey angry. Bishop delighted.

So if Anthony McPartlin goes to Prison it will be Ant On Dick?

My wife said to me "Have you been in the shower today?" I replied " Yes I have. Why?" Then she said "go and spread Philadelphia all over your cock and I'll give you an awesome blow job." I was gobsmacked so I asked "why do u wanna do that? And she replied "I just wanna suck a cheesy cock and your brother is at school."

I used to work next door to my local Specsavers. We used to laugh cos every few minutes we'd hear a massive thud and know it was some blind cunt walking into the window.

I would like to congratulate India on winning 6 golds in Shooting at the Commonwealth Games. It's good practice before they open their shops in Liverpool

Ken alive. Barbie dead.

I went to the supermarket and bought bacon, sausages and 12 cans of lager. What are you having for brunch, Rajid?

Harry and Meghan have only invited 3 Spice Girls to their posh Ginger/Nigger wedding. Meghan invited all 3 girls from Bananarama cos she lurvs the bananas.

There is no "I" in Team. There is also no "I" in Blowjob so I'm happy to take one for the team.

This time of year every bloke called Dan sticks a no entry sign on his butt just in case some Muslim cunt wants to give him a good arse pounding. #Ramadan