Sickipedia

I finally got my own back whilst out shopping with the Mrs. We went into 10 different pubs without a drink, then I went back to the first one and bought a pint.

I was on holiday talking to a girl on a topless beach, I kept saying to myself '' don't stare at her tits, don't stare at her tits'' She said ''don't stare at who's tits?''

I'm seeing a girl who gets off on me dressing like a Norse God. It's a very Loki affair.

They say that in the third world you can buy a slave for the price of an ipod. But you try getting them to remember 4000 songs.

Two interesting facts about me, first, my knob is the same length as two of those Argos pens and second, I'm banned from Argos. From the old site.

I walked in on my grandma sucking my grandads cock. I knew we should have had it cremated with the rest of him.

I bought some flavoured condons home the other day. I said to my wife "I'll put one on and you see if you can guess the flavour" ok she said "cheese and onion!" I said "I haven't put it on yet!"

Spoiler alert! The wing just fell off the back of my car.

I slept in my wife's knickers last night. They make a smashing hammock.

The wife's mother has just been diagnosed with motor neurone disease. It's such a terrible shame, I had some brilliant cancer jokes lined up.