Sickipedia

Tribute concert being hastily arranged for Liam Payne. The following acts have confirmed: Madonna - don't cry for me Argentina Status Quo - down down Bruce Willis - under the boardwalk R Kelly - I believe I can fly Cheryl Cole to cover Another One bites the dust House of Payne - Jump Around

California Aid concert to be held. The following acts are confirmed Firestarter - Prodigy This Girl is on Fire - Alicia Keys Disco Inferno - Tina Turner Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie Greatest Hits - Ash Smoke on the water - Deep Purple Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash Burning down the house - Talking Heads We didn't start the Fire- Billy Joel

Following his recent sight loss, Elton John is to have his now redundant eyeballs removed. He'll be a socket man

Child held after pupil aged 12 shot dead at Finland school. This might seem a bit harsh but I'm not sure detention is the solution here

10 year old Pakistani boy beaten to death by his headmaster during assembly over a minor issue. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?

Catholic church announces small change to service - instead of the congregation shaking hands and saying "Peace be with you" they will now wish each other to " Have a nice day"

Woman who beat a man to death with a kettle was said to be boiling with rage and then something just clicked.

Newcastle to name the road in front of st james park in honour of their manager - Howe Way

I asked your mum why she was looking so glum after spending the day sucking off the happy foundation. Apparently she was still feeling a little down in the mouth.

I went on dragons den bit they wouldn't invest in my idea to incorporate itching powder into shampoo. It's a real head scratcher