Sickipedia

I’ve just raised £12,000 for the NHS. I had to park my car overnight at the hospital.

Microsoft have released a festive advent calendar this Christmas. No chocolates just a load of fucking updates every time you open your windows.

Boris Johnson wins election race. I bet that’s the only race he’s ever won, the fat cunt.

I was at the opticians the other day. “I got cum in one of my pupils recently, should I be worried?” I asked. “I think you’ll be fine.” He replied. “That’s a relief. Her parents were banging on about telling the Headmaster and the Police.”

These BLM protests are getting more bizarre. I was at our local swimming pool when this black kid started flapping about and shouting “I can’t breathe!” repeatedly before floating around face down whilst keeping perfectly still.

A budgie walks into a pet shop wearing a balaclava and sporting a shot gun. “Open the fucking trill!”

I just lost my job manufacturing keyboards. Apparently I wasn’t putting enough shifts in.

A gay suicide bomber walks into a bar. Poof !

Trade Centre UK “All cars must go!” I’d fucking hope so. As a minimum.

Interesting to see the new £50 note will feature Alan Turing. But it’s hardly news. I’m sure there are already plenty of bent £50’s already in circulation.