Sickipedia

If a couple have sex behind a locked door in a public toilet, does mean they’re officially ‘engaged’?

Nissan abandons plans to build new model in the North East. The 61% of turkeys in Sunderland who voted for Brexit, must be absolutely delighted that Christmas has come early.

You know the temperature’s dropping when a Glaswegian puts on a jumper, a Dundonian puts on a long sleeved T-shirt, and Lamppost Lil in John O’Groats puts on a pair of knickers.

If Donald Trump had really wanted Hillary Clinton locked up, he should have given her a job on his campaign team.

Woman in vegetative state gives birth. The vegetative state is Arizona.

Why is it called ‘Black Friday’? After I’ve bought all the ‘Deals-of-the-Day’, I’m in the red.

Three religious leaders were discussing their experience of miracles. Minister: "I was in a boat which was about to capsize, so I prayed for a miracle, and for 100 yards around me the storm abated." Priest: "I was in a plane during an electrical storm, so I prayed for a miracle, and for 100 yards around me the sky turned blue." Rabbi: "One Saturday morning I saw a sack full of money lying in the street, but being the Sabbath I couldn’t lift it up, so, I prayed for a miracle, and for 100 yards around me it was Monday afternoon."

The doctor asked my 80 year old dad what he did first thing in the morning. He said, "I stretch out my arms ...and if they don't touch wood with a satin lining, I get up."

Brighten up your next trip to the supermarket by seeking out a couple in their late-30s, who are being seriously hassled by their brood of kids. Then casually drop a pregnancy test kit into their trolley. Stand well back, and enjoy a hilarious comedy show at the checkout.

Modern Nursery Rhyme: Deedle, deedle dumpling my son John, Went to bed with his trousers on. One shoe off, and one shoe on, He was well pissed was my son John.