Sickipedia

My cousin Andreas was visiting London when he rescued a dog from drowning in the Serpentine. He checked out the dog and told the owner that it was fine The owner asked "Are you a Vet"? Andreas replied "Vet, vet, I'm fucking soaking"!

My Grandfather, like the deceased Queen Mother, was a frequent visitor to the East End of London during the dark days of the Blitz. Yet he was never hailed a hero by the people of London. Then again, the reason may be that he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.

A friend of mine was on holiday in Spain, he was sat on the beach reading a book when an attractive blonde woman sat next to him, obviously to try and strike up a relationship. "Do you like books"? she asked. "Yes" said my friend, and carried on reading "Do you like movies"? she said "Yes" he said, and carried on reading Undeterred, she asked "Do you like pussycats"? With that, my friend jumped on her,tore off her clothes and gave her a good humping. "Wow" she said, "how did you know I wanted that"? My friend replied "Hang on, how did you know my name was Katz"?

What cheese would you use to disguise a horse? Marscapone All cheese related comments please

Here's a tip worth remembering. If ever you're attacked by a bunch of Clowns, always go for the Juggler.

I'm stopping posting jokes about fish. I'm finding it sole destroying All fish related comments please

I came on this site to post a joke after several months of being away and I'm shocked to see all this infighting by just a few,or maybe all the same people ruining what is left of this once decent site. Perhaps it would be better if you took all your nastiness to some other form of social media and let the genuine people post their humour instead of their bigotry

Back in Biblical days after the great flood,God speaks to Noah. He says "Noah, now that the ark is empty, I want you to make it bigger" Noah replies "Your wish is my command My Lord, what do you need"? God says "Noah, I want you to add another twenty decks to the ark and fill it with fish" Noah says "It will be done My Lord, what fish would you like"? God says "I want it full of Kois, Noah" Noah replies "Why just Kois,My Lord"? God says "Because I want a multi-storey carp ark"

I've just returned home from a Bear hunting holiday in Canada. Next time I'm going to do it wearing clothes, I'm frostbitten all over.

It's been announced that the winter Olympics schedules in Korea have been interrupted by strong winds. It's time that they stopped eating all those dogs if that's the case.