Sickipedia

David Copperfield's next illusion will be to make 16 women disappear with one wave of his magic wand. Ironically that's what got him into this situation in the first place.

When I make a spliff they always come out perfect. It's just how I roll.

I'm so Fussy about being grammatically correct. And that's with a capital f.

After all whole day gardening, my wife returned to claim a spacecraft landed nearby then she was molested by an alien. I always knew she was partial to a bit of green fingering.

What stains can you find in a paedo's underpants? Kid marks.

A guy is in a bar on his own on Valentine's Day and orders 2 whiskies. He drinks one then immediately pours the other over his hand. The bartender looks at him strangely and asks, "What did you do that for?" "Oh," replies the guy, "just getting my date drunk."

What do Rice Krispies wear on their feet? Kelloggs!

What does foreplay with a woman have in common with a cereal packet? To open slide finger under flap.

The families of the passengers that died aboard the Titan sub are hoping they can take legal action despite their relatives signing waivers relinquishing OceanGate of any liability or wrongdoing in the event of death. Maybe OceanGate's contracts aren't watertight either.

So, five people tragically died aboard the Titan when it imploded... ...worse things happen at sea.