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randypecker

Member since 8 years ago

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randypecker

4 years ago-Funny-blonde-Post Rating : 68

I thought my bumhole looked like a balloon knot when I viewed it in the mirror. How I laughed when I realised it was actually the end of a condom hanging out of it.

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4 years ago-Sex and Shit-Penis-Post Rating : 52

HERES A LETTER I READ EARLIER.. There's a lot of fuss made about smoking during pregnancy. Take my mum for example. She smoked forty a day when she was having me and I've turned out fine apart from my penis being a bit small. All the best. Sue.

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I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out.. "What have you got there?" "Hummus", I replied.

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4 years ago-Politics-Tory Cunts-Post Rating : 40

My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite stroke was. Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

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4 years ago-Hollywood Scandals-Liam Neeson-Post Rating : 37

Im that unlucky in love i onced asked out a blind woman and she told me she was seeing someone.

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3 years ago-Total fucking shit-Knock knock-Post Rating : 35

The missus said she was leaving me because I keep talking like a news reader . More on that story later.

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4 years ago-Wordplay-Wordplay-Post Rating : 33

My wife walked in on me while I was in the computer and she asked me what I was doing, I said I’m just buying some flights for when we’re out of lockdown, she burst into tears ripped off my clothes and gave me the best gob job ever !! To be honest, I didn’t even know she liked darts......

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4 years ago-Total fucking shit-Knock knock-Post Rating : 32

I once asked a psychic if I would ever be arrested by the police and she said “no”.. so I ran off with all her money.

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4 years ago-Funny-blonde-Post Rating : 31

I read that eating bananas makes your spunk taste nicer, so I've been eating about 20 every day.There's been a real improvement in the customer feedback reviews at the Burger King where I work.

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3 years ago-Sex and Shit-Piss-Post Rating : 29

Since my girlfriend started working at the grease factory, it's been really hard trying to get hold of her.

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