Sickipedia

In case you wonder what caused the latest server overload: it's once again the time of a month when hannah develops mild psychotic symptoms and mania.

Essex is the only place I know where a rape victim might unexpectedly stick her finger right up my butt. (from old Sickipedia)

Hi all, this is Dave's wife here. I've just been reading a few thing that Dave has posted on this site, and quite frankly, I'm disgusted. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You blindly vote up jokes about me despite the fact that you've never met me and you know literally nothing about me! It's petty, childish and shows you have nothing better to do with your pathetic little lives. Anyway, I'd like to clear up a few things. I'm not fat, I'm not stupid and Dave most certainly has not had sex with my sister. They have a healthy, platonic relationship. As a matter of fact, he's actually round her house right now mowing her lawn. Regards, Dave's wife

"That costume party is today and I still don't have a costume to wear!", my wife complained. "Don't worry dear, you can be an angry pirate", I said. I pulled out my penis and started frantically masturbating. I ejaculated in her eye and as she covered it with her hand, I brutally stepped on her foot which caused her to hop around. She screamed furiously: "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Do I have to explain everything for that woman?

As a man I am deeply grateful for everyone who contributed to #metoo campaign. I now have an instant database of women who can't protect themselves from sexual assault.

As gender is nowadays a completely personal experience, I quit being a male and chose to be a lesbian instead. Now feminist cows actually encourage me when I go to chase hot birds in my macho looks. At the same time I can portray myself as a fragile victim. Just today I accused my employer for being a chauvinistic oppressor and secured a handsome raise. Life is good!

Death of my mother in law. Putting the 'fun' into the funeral.

"Darling, can you remove this splinter in my bum please?" asked my wife. I did, and got £45.48p for it, even though I couldn't market it as a harpoon as weapons are banned on eBay.

Few ideas to improve this site: 1) A category for no-jokes so we don't have to spam the joke feed with these comments. 2) People who are not registered have to solve CAPTCHA once per session before they can vote jokes. Cheating would be much harder. The CAPTCHA could be as easy as simple mathematical calculation. 3) There could be possibility to report joke or user if you have certain amount of points and you have been registered user for long enough. Anyway, thank you for the admin for your effort. We might call you a wanker every now and then but you still put more effort than almost any of us.

I was swimming with my wife on our Gran Canaria holiday. She was on her period and, unfortunately, attracted a full grown white shark. She managed to dislodge the fin of the shark and bite a deep wound on it's tail before I was able to separate the raging maniacs.