Sickipedia

Sir Elton John set to lead performances at Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez's $20M Venice wedding in Venice. Just how many times can he change the fucking 'Candle in The Wind' lyrics.

Ellie Goldstein, the first Strictly Come Dancing star with Down syndrome, submits her playlist... You Need To Calm Down Don't Bring Me Down I Won't Back Down Down On The Corner Slow Down Down Under Down Down Down

I'd only buy Meghan Markle's jam if it were discovered it was a lubricant.

Relax dear

Trump told Putin he'd bomb the fuck out of Moscow if he attacked Ukraine and warned President Xi he'd launch strikes on Beijing if he invaded Taiwan. Now that's how you win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Greta Thunberg's freedom flotilla was boarded by IDF troops. I thought it quite sweet that her name is an anagram of Great Hunger.

A car ploughs into a crowd celebrating PSG's Champions League win in the French city of Grenoble, leaving four people injured. Four?? Fucking lightweight.

Asteroid may hit Africa or Asia in 2032. Are we bothered?

Bryan Adams is forced to cancel his Perth, Australia, show because of blocked sewers at the venue. This typically happens after a Bryan Adams concert.

Donald Trump wrote: 'I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending Paper Straws. 'BACK TO PLASTIC!' Drinking turtle soup with a paper straw was just so difficult.