Sickipedia

I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.

There's a new club for battered women. £19.99 from all good retailers.

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again. Like how to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself, and how not to argue with me at the top of the stairs again.

I had a disturbing dream last night in which I was shagging my best mate up the arse. I think it's my subconscious telling me he's gay.

I love it when the snow comes I always take my wife outside and break her fuckin leg I call it the cold weather snap

“What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?’’ “Nothing, you already told her twice!’’

I shouted to the barmaid, "Two pints of lager please." She said, "I'm not deaf." I said, "Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening."

The pilot on an airplane announces they're about to crash and there's no sign of hope. Upon hearing this, a beautiful young woman stands up from her seat and yells, "is there anybody man enough on this plane to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man from Oxford stands up, pulls a hammer out of his coat and fractures her fucking skull!

Listen just do to trolls like I fucking do to my wife Beat them senseless

Me & my pal alexion went back to mine last night and beat the clean fuck out of my wife He used a pic shaft and I used a sledgehammer Serves her right for throwing my coke down the fucking toilet