Sickipedia

The dishwasher stopped working this afternoon, so I hit it so hard She picked up the phone and got me arrested the cunt.

I love it when the snow comes I always take my wife outside and break her fuckin leg I call it the cold weather snap

When my wife makes me lose my temper, I start counting slowly to ten. When I get to seven, I punch her in the throat. She never expects that.

There's a new club for battered women. £19.99 from all good retailers.

I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again. Like how to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself, and how not to argue with me at the top of the stairs again.

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again. Like how to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself, and how not to argue with me at the top of the stairs again.

I shouted to the barmaid, "Two pints of lager please." She said, "I'm not deaf." I said, "Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening."

“What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?’’ “Nothing, you already told her twice!’’

The pilot on an airplane announces they're about to crash and there's no sign of hope. Upon hearing this, a beautiful young woman stands up from her seat and yells, "is there anybody man enough on this plane to make me feel like a woman one last time?" To which a man from Oxford stands up, pulls a hammer out of his coat and fractures her fucking skull!