Sickipedia

Your a wizard ‘arry

Bulllllllll Shiiiittttteeeeeeee

Hold it firmly in your hand, put it in your mouth, lick it, straighten it and put it in the hole. It’s time to sew the labels in the kids shirts again

What’s long and hard and hurts to come out? This pandemic recession

Not a joke..... just been to see Roy Chubby Brown live. Grew up watching his shows on VHS, and what a sad day it is when even he feels bound by the PC brigade to conform. What a time we live in, a joke is a joke! PS. any witty Chubby lines in the comments would be nice

Danny Tetley, a priest and a load of children were on a plane which was about to crash. The problem was there was only two parachutes. The priest grabbed the parachutes and chucked one to Danny. Old hair lip caught it and said "what about the kids?" The preist replied "Fuck the kids!" To which ‘clefty’ responded "Do we have time?" Oldie

David Beckham decides to go horse riding after the recent marriage troubles. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace Victoria admiringly watches her husband. After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop. Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip of the horse's neck. David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is now frantic and screams and shouts for help!! Hearing her screams, the Waitrose Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.

I was on the phone to the wife and said, "I'm almost home love, please put the Tassimo on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart? “Yea” ...... she replied “I don’t think the Tassimo wants to talk right now”

Teacher asked her reception class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat things. The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.” The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Peter. Very well done.” Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.” “Well my Mum has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there’s no tomorrow!

What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get the easier they are to pick up