Sickipedia

A Texan rancher visiting the UK is driving in countryside and stops to ask a farmer for directions. He asks the farmer how big his farm is and after the farmer points to some nearby corner markers, the Texan laughs and says, "back in Texas, my ranch is so big that I drive leave my house at 9am and reach the end of my driveway an hour and a half later". The farmer laughs and replies, "Yeah...I used to have a Jaguar once too".

A Texan rancher visiting the UK is driving in countryside and stops to ask a farmer for directions. He asks the farmer how big his farm is and after the farmer points to some nearby corner markers, the Texan laughs and says, "back in Texas, my ranch is so big that I drive leave my house at 9am and reach the end of my driveway an hour and a half later". The farmer laughs and replies, "Yeah...I used to have a Jaguar once too".

Hitler wasn't really all that bad....after all, he did kill Hitler.

What's the difference between Cinderella and Lady Di? Cinderella's carriage didn't turn into a wall at midnight.

A guy is watching a bum fishing underneath a bridge, pulling out one trout after another and throwing them back in. Asked why he was throwing the fish back in,the bum replied, "the fish are easy to catch...it's that mattress I'm after.

Q: Why do mice have such small balls? A: Because not many of them know how to dance.

Q: How many Americans can you fit in a phone booth? A: A whole army, if you put it in the middle of a desert and tell them it's not their's.

I don't much care for country Western music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who do like country Western music..."denigrate" means "to unfairly put down". Bob Newhart

Sir Paul McCartney was interviewed on radio a few months after his divorce from Heather Mills. The interviewer was digging for information about his future interests with women and asked, "I guess you won't go down on one knee again?" Paul got flustered and replied... "Most definately not... and I would appreciate it if you referred to her as Heather."

City planning commission in city of Brampton has disapproved building plans for a strip club since it may offend some people. After revising the architect plans to make the building look like a big tit, painted pink with a brown nipple spire on top, it was approved as a future site for a mosque.