Sickipedia

If whales are so intelligent why do they swim near Japan?

When someone says, "you are the last person on my list I would want to hurt", there are two things to consider. They already have a list, and you are on it.

Silence is golden. Unless you have young children then silence becomes suspicious.

All men marry nymphomaniacs. Then after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

"What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme." ... Credit to Dorothy Parker

A man phones his wife from the hospital. He tells her about his accident at work, and that he lost a finger on the band saw. She asks ,“The whole finger?” “No,” replies the husband. “The one next to it.”

If a transsexual who used to identify as a woman accuses another transsexual who previously identified as a man of having "raped" him when he was a she... Whom will liberals believe?

The children wanted my wife to wake up with a smile on her face this morning. Now they are no longer allowed sharpies in the house anymore.

I recently met a level five vegan. She doesn't eat anything that casts a shadow.

Americans, build the wall on the Mexican side, and call it "foreign aid".